So now I turned to reconstruction. I have to say that I debated with myself quite a bit before deciding to go forward. The prosthetic breasts are very hot and heavy and the bras they go in were very uncomfortable. I felt very self-conscious if I went without it. I know I was just being paranoid, but it felt like people were staring. I wouldn’t blame them. I would probably do the same thing if I ran into someone with my history.

Well that was one reason. But perhaps the most important reason was looking in the mirror every day. I looked down and there was nothing there except the reminder that I had cancer. It was really depressing every day. It affected my interaction with Scott too.
[WARNING TO MY MALE RELATIVES: you might not want to read the next couple of sentences.] I didn’t feel sexy or attractive. He didn’t want to see the surgical site so that didn’t help. I just wanted things to be back the way they were before the Big C hit.

I thought all of those reasons were enough. Hmm looking back, I’m not sure.

On I went on my search for the right plastic surgeon. You already heard about my adventures with the first one. He was out. I interviewed 2 more and then found Rebecca Glasser. She is patient, caring and concerned. I very much liked her, her office and her staff. Knowing I would be spending a lot of time with them, that was very important to me.

Her bad news was, she wouldn’t do the surgery until the end of July, to make sure all the infection was gone. That is hard for me. I am a do it now kind of person. I struggled through the decision and then once I made it, I wanted it now! You would think I was 3 years old.

Time passed and finally it was nearing the surgical date. About 6 weeks before, I started going to a physical therapist because I developed lymphedema. I know, I know, come on all of you know if there is a side effect, I will get it! Anyway, the surgeon removed all of my lymph nodes on the right side during the mastectomy, because so many were positive for cancer. Unfortunately, when I actively use my right arm, it swells and there is no lymph system to remove the fluid.

The therapist started me on self massage that I have to do 3-4 times a day. 
That was helping but not fixing. From there I went to wrapping. Yikes! 3 layers of gauze then ace bandages on top of that. Hot, Holy Crap! And this was 24/7. It worked to reduce the swelling, but it wasn’t long before it would swell back up again. So very frustrating and there is nothing else I can do for now. I can’t do the massage right now because of the incisions. More on that later.

So it is time for me to head to the hospital to voluntarily make myself hurt. I realized that I was crazy! Really nervous going in but I wouldn’t turn back.

The procedure is pretty complicated. On the left (non-radiated) side, she inserted a tissue expander under the muscle near the chest wall. The tissue expander has a magnet in it so the doctor can locate the port and inject saline to expand it slowly every couple of weeks.

The right side however, is much more difficult. Because of the radiation, my skin is very damaged and wouldn’t expand. Also, during the mastectomy, my pectoral muscle was removed as well. So to rebuild this, Dr. Glasser took my latissimus dorsi muscle from my front and transplanted it to my right chest. Underneath this she put a tissue expander as well. So I have an incision across my left breast. Two incisions on the right with the transplanted muscle, tissue and skin and 1 more incision on my back. Plus 5 drains and a local anesthetic pain pump.

I spent 2 days in the hospital which is always fun and went home with lots of pain meds and 4 drains. It hurt to move. Sleeping? Not comfortable in any position.

Dr. Glasser did a great job explaining to me what the procedure entailed, what I would look like and that it would take a while to feel better. What I didn’t realize was how much it would hurt! I really did not anticipate that.

If I knew then what I know now, would I have done it. Well the jury is still out on that one. Or maybe a better answer is it changes every day. In the long run, I am sure I will be happy I did it. Right now, I struggle to stumble through the day. I don’t like taking the pain meds, but at this point, can’t really get by without them. I am trying Advil today instead. We will see.

I’M BAAAACKKK!!!!

My final cancer treatment finished in November 2009. I thought everything would be fine and I could start reconstruction soon. Oh the hubris.

I got another infection. Now my skin was so damaged from the radiation they could not sew it up. They took me in under anesthesia and put a wound vac on me. OMG!! you can not imagine how much this hurts. Basically, your wound is open and the vac attaches on to keep it from getting dirty. The vacuum effect speeds healing.

Unfortunately, I had to wear this thing 24/7. The bandages were changed 3 days a week by a home health care nurse. What a pain in the neck - well not neck exactly. This went on for about 6 weeks.

I got a reprieve when we went to Las Vegas for a weekend trip. But then I had to clean out the wound myself. Not fun, but you know me. If I am challenged, I will do it. So there I am swabbing out the inside of my chest. Ick. It really does look like chicken.

Finally, the wound healed up in February and I was free.