So catheter port in, the surgeon comes out to talk to Scott. Oh yes by the way, the sentinel node was positive for cancer! This was a very big shock to us as the sonogram had seemed to show clear lymph nodes. The sentinel node is the first one the breast drains into. They injected my breast with dye (I can’t tell you how bad that hurt!! If any of you have to do it, I’ll come hold your hand.) then it drains into the lymph system. The surgeon removes the one that shows up with dye, that being the first or sentinel node. That this is positive for cancer is the most scary news to date. Had it spread? What next.

I thought the next step was getting in for chemo. No wait, now they want a pet scan because of the positive lymph node involvement. Of all the tests this is the scariest. Basically a MRI of your entire body, it is supposed to show any other suspicious areas of cancer. This test was a Thursday morning and they called me with the news by afternoon. NEGATIVE FOR CANCER OUTSIDE OF THE BREAST!!! I think this was the first good news I had in 3 weeks. I think this was the first good deep breath I had been able to take for quite a while.

So chemo next. Carlos decided he wanted me in a research study. What does this mean? I’m in big trouble and I need research to cure it? Another question, another step.

My file goes off to another office and I was to hear from the next nurse by Thursday or Friday. One thing I have discovered about doctors offices, is that they seem to close early. So after hearing nothing on Thursday, I waited until late Friday morning and called the new nurse. Sorry she says you don’t fit the research protocols. Okaaaay, so now what? Oh you need to call back at the other office and schedule your chemo there. I know I was worried when I was going into the research, now I am worried because I am not in the research. Am I so bad they won’t take me. Whatever, I wanted that chemo because I didn’t want (logically or not) the cancer to have a chance to leak out somewhere else. All it takes is for 1 microscopic cell to escape and ...

Another 3 calls to the oncologist’s office and I am told, call back on Monday. I feel like I am having to beg these people to fill me full of poison. What is up with that. Another weekend of not knowing what is going on. Meanwhile, I am on the internet filling my head full of chemo and its side effects. The internet is a wonderful place, but sometimes there is such a thing as too much information. No hair, mouth sores, diarrhea, constipation, sensitive scalp, nausea, dehydration. The list goes on. Not everyone gets everything, but you could. So, I wait out another weekend.

Finally, it’s Monday and the new plan is see the doctor and have chemo training on Tuesday and then chemo on Friday. So what do you do when you know the next day you will voluntarily be making yourself sick for the next 6 months. What every red blooded American girl would do. Shoe Shopping!! A little retail therapy did help for a while (and I got some cute shoes). Finally, it’s Wednesday and chemo is to start.